Soul Mates?

 R:  Do you believe in/ how do you feel about soul mates? Do you think everyone comes in your life for a reason or do you think that's just something we tell ourselves to make us feel better about getting involved with the wrong people?

 

 

T:  Yeah I'm not a big soul mate person.  I think relationships develop and there are very few people that don't have to adjust or edit some part of themselves in order to maintain a relationship.  I imagine that a soul mate would be two people who "just work" without all the effort we know a real relationship takes.

 

 

 R:  OK but do you think you can "miss out" on your soul mate? I mean are we meant to be with a certain person... does everything really happen for a reason?

  

T:  Let me take the word "soul mate" out to answer this.  I think there are a million people we can fall in love with on the planet, each sharing the same deep love most people crave.  The issue is most of us operate in a very small circle involving maybe 50 people and 10 romantic relationships (if that).  Given the sheer numbers, we trick ourselves into thinking that out of these 10, there is only 1 we are truly meant to be with.  Russell Simmons says that there is a very good chance that our blessings will come from a situation outside of our normal experiences.  I take this to mean in relationships that we can fall in love with an Australian surfer, a hood dude, a man in England or wherever we just need to open ourselves in understanding that there is an entire world of people out here and our love isn't limited to the 10 or so people we've been with.  Does that make sense?

 

 R:  yes makes complete sense. I guess I just keep trying to figure out why certain things happen in the order they happen especially bad situations.  But maybe it's not for me to understand and just for me to live it out

 

 T:  I'm gonna say this for the last time (OK not true, I will pressure you about it until you do it)...in fact, we are gonna go to Barnes and Noble today at lunch and get the audio version of Super Rich...every single doubt you have will be erased and you will understand why your relationships take the direction in which they do.

 

 

T:  I want to be very clear about this book and its impact it has had on my life.  My marriage is over and in the worst way possible but I am not angry, not bitter, and still very much love and have compassion for him.  Before reading this book, I didn't have any direction and had no idea how I was going to deal with the issue at all.  It taught me so much and how to evolve and embrace the world as it comes to me as well as how to be aggressive in what it is I want out of it.

 

R:  Well I just need for it to erase my memory... if Barnes and Noble has anything for that I'm down lol

 

T:  Yes, you need to HEAR the words.  I have the actual text book but hearing someone say it is 100 times more powerful.

 

 

 T:  Here's what I've been thinking about for the last month or so....take your fist and ball it up tight...that's the area in which most of us operate out of...now think about how big the world really is.  Why in the hell do we limit ourselves to that tiny amount of space and experiences??

 

 Raven:  But you keep saying that but I don't think I limit myself to certain things I'm a VERY open person and would date any type of race and/or try anything at least once.  Someone just needs to come at me.  I've been in situations where I've been open to dating other races but it never materialized.  I don't stand in one small group. I have friends from all over: hood, professional, upper, middle and lower classes.  I think I'm very diverse when it comes to mingling

 

 

 T:  Someone just needs to come at me << the problem.  You have to run after the world.  Stop waiting on people to find you. Look at what I'm saying figuratively.  I'm not suggesting that you don't know a variety of people but perhaps you are unconsciously attracted to the same type of person no matter his race or profession.

 

 

 R:  but that's what I'm saying not true.  Like just recently... well at xmas time I was at a party and very interested in my co-workers Indian friend... I started flirting with him.  but like I said nothing materialized.  I wasn't really saying someone has to come at me... I have NO problem with flirting but at the same time I'm not going to flirt with someone that I'm not interested in.  Nor will I continue to flirt with someone who doesn't seem to be interested in me.

 

T:  I agree with that.

 

 R:  maybe it's just not my time.  Everyone says that things happen for a reason and some things are meant to happen... but for some reason I can't wrap my head around that.  I just think we are humans living in this world and what we do is what we do and not "meant to happen".  but that thought scares me b/c I just keep making the wrong decisions so I feel like I'm F'ed b/c when it comes to dating I'm clueless but I'm an ACE in relationships guess that's why I want to be in one bad... not good with being alone and "dating"

 

T:  Have you ever thought about the energy you are putting out may not be receptive and impact your dating skills?  Have you ever been around people who were so full of vibrancy and good energy that even without speaking you wanted to be in their presence?  That's the person you want to be.  (We all want to be)

 

 R:  No I'm that person and people love me... that's not my problem.  the problem I have is that I don't like anyone or if I do I get too comfortable with them b/c I guess I'm used to being with someone.  so when I find someone I'm comfortable with I'm open but then they turn out to be someone I shouldn't be open with.

 

 T:  I think you are a vibrant person in all aspects expect for when it comes to love is what I'm saying.  When the conversation switches to love, marriage, and families I see you get into a funk.  What if you are radiating an energy in regards to relationships that aren't attracting the type of relationship you are yearning for?  Let's take it out of context for a sec...

 

 

T:  I want to be a business owner but it hasn't happened yet (partly because of my own poor time management) but when I get around people who have "made it" and live the life I hope to be living soon, I am inquisitive, eager and very engaging on how to learn.  I could turn into an instant hater but that vibe would not only hinder me but make me unattractive to deal with.  Showing my desire and willingness to move forward without slandering my current professional situation makes me a more attractive person to want to do business with.  Hopefully that makes my POV easier to understand.

 

 

 T:  So what I'm saying is, be honest about your desire to want true love but stop criticizing where you currently are in life.  Your honesty and good heart will shine through but you may be blocking your blessing because you are so down on yourself about love.  Be open.

 

 R:  You're right... Thanks